i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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