the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
