sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize