dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
