...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
