I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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