At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
