So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
