Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
