Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
