wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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