dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
