Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize