when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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