Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
