now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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