but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
