So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is Oprah even human
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How does one acquire holy water?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
