Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
