I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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