Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
