Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
