I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
