11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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