Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
