She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize