eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
