Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
