my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
