So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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