for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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