I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize