he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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