Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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