There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
