He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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