Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
