Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
