what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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