She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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