I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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