SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's get the cat blown out
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
