i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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