u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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