I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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