I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I look better un-naked...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
