Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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