She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
