I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
