I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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