i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
