I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize