He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
