just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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