rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
