Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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