i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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