hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
