If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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