He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
