Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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