if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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