well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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