You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
