He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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