Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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