Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
