Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
