I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
