do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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