margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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