Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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