well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
