I cockslap morals
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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