Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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