she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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