I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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