I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
