I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
